It's been a really rough couple of days.

Started when I found out on Tuesday that my dog, Kosmo, had bone cancer and there was nothing the vet could do for her. She hadn't been able to eat for a couple of weeks and she had lost a lot of weight. I rushed home on Wednesday so I could see her before she was put down.

It was hard to see her. She was so thin and weak. Normally, if she was seeing the whole family for the first time in a while (and in my case, a couple months), she'd literally be so hyper and excited that she would be peeing on the floor. This time all she did was wag her tail and pant from the exertion of walking from the other room. She even had to lie down after a minute or two cause she couldn't stay sitting up. I'm glad I got to see her though as I think it would have been a lot harder if I hadn't gotten a chance to say goodbye. I'm also glad we could go there so she would know we hadn't abandoned her.

It's still hard to believe she's really gone. She was such a lively and happy dog. She had a zest for life. Even though she was getting up there in years, she still acted an awful lot like she did when she was a puppy. She'd jump on you when you came in the house and she was always running around. While her behavior sometimes lead to scratches on your legs, she was still a great dog.

I keep forgetting she's gone too. Last night when I went to bed, I started to leave the door open so she could come in and lie on my bed if she wanted to. And today when I had part of a banana left over from a sandwich, I almost instinctively went to put it in her bowl before realizing it wasn't there and remembering why. There are so many things I loved to do with her that I'll never be able to do again. Taking her for a swim, playing with her leash when I took her for a walk, having her slowly nudge me farther and farther over until I was hanging off the side of the bed. She was a great dog and I miss her a lot.

Dad buried her in the yard today. I wanted to go and help but I couldn't bring myself to. I don't know how he managed it. I think my dad may be the one who's been most affected by this. He really loved Kosmo. In many ways, Kosmo was his dog more than it was any of ours. I don't think I've ever seen my father cry before but when we went to see Kosmo for the last time yesterday, he cried. If you don't know my father, that may not seem like a big deal, but he's one of those 'guys don't cry' people so it's a sign of how much he loved Kosmo that he cried.

I wish I had a digital picture of Kosmo so I could put it up here. Maybe I'll have one scanned so I can show everyone what a cool dog she was.

Goodbye Kosmo. I'll never forget you.